Tick Tock

I still have some time left, but I can't help but think about my inevitable return to work. I'm so torn over it.

For me it's not so bad I suppose. I'm alternating three days one week and four the next. I know I shouldn't complain. Some women have to go back to work full time. One of the reasons why I chose my career was because of the flexibility in hours. I knew that some day I would want a family, but I couldn't see myself being a stay at home mom. Oh how things change.

I'm learning that a lot (about change). I had so many preconceived notions that I thought would never change before Bean came along. I've always told myself, "no way I could EVER be a stay at home mom. I would go crazy!" Well, now I'm not so sure. That's not true, I still want to work, but not nearly as much as I thought I would.

I like my job, but I don't want to leave Bean for more than one day in a row. Did I tell you that I worked one day already? I didn't cry when I left, and it honestly wasn't that bad, but I think it was because I knew that the next day it would be just me and Bean again. I think in my perfect world I would work two days a week (not in a row). I like getting out and having some adult interaction. . . even if my conversation is limited because my patients don't speak English. . .heh.

I also don't think I could handle not bringing in some income. I worry way to much about money to do that, especially with the economy the way it is. But oh. . .leaving my little guy? I'm nervous about getting into that routine. Can I handle a full time job AND a part time job (with irregular hours I might add)? Even though my mom and a long trusted friend are going to be watching Bean. . . .I feel like we're just getting into a routine, getting to know each other . . . and in a few weeks it will all get turned upside down again. Eeep!

Be brave self!