My Sitcom Life

Sometimes my new life with our little Bean seems like a sitcom to me. . . . .for instance today. . .

I call this episode, "Battle with Bodily Fluids"

Scene: Me wearing Bean in the Moby wrap trying to fix my breakfast in the kitchen.

The cat meows a low guttural meow (I know this meow. . .this is her "I'm going to vomit" meow). I look around frantically as the heaving begins. I see the the cat in the family room, on the carpet of course. I run over to her, do a knee slide (a la James Brown) and fling her over onto the tile by the basement door. The puke hits the tile. Baby still sleeps soundly snug in the Moby. Success!

Me: "Gross."

I go and get some paper towels and disinfectant spray.

Scene: Later on, same day.

I am sitting on the couch, Bean in my lap in just a onsie, he has just finished nursing. He has burped and spit up only a tiny bit (that I caught with his bib. . .bodily fluids: 0, Me: 2) Then it begins.

Bean rips a giant fart and poop leaks all over my lap (fortunately not on the couch) and all over his legs and feet. It seemed like slow motion as I watched the poop leaking out of the diaper and onto my pants. You just sit there and watch it happen because you have no idea what to do except say. . . .

Me: "Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Nooooooooooooooo!"

I awkwardly carry him upstairs (I love my son but I don't really want to touch his poop) and put him on the tile floor in the bathroom. He's happy because he just ate so he kicks his legs all around spreading the poop all over the bathroom floor. I strip my pants off and run the bath to throw him in the tub. As the bath is filling Bean decides to spit up again. It pools on the tile and he rolls his head/hair all in it. What also made it funny is that Bean didn't cry at all through this It made me feel like he was doing it all on purpose for his (and my make believe studio audience's) amusement.

Me: "Gahhhhhh! Exorcist much?!?!"

I do my best and take the dirty clothes to wipe up the pooling nastiness on the floor. I get him cleaned up in the tub and put him onto the changing table to put some clean clothes on. As I snap the final snap on his sleeper he decides to spit up again down his front.

Me: "What? Geez!!"

I put him in clean clothes and put a bib on as quickly as I could.

Bodily fluids: 3, Me: 2. Right now I'm running a load of laundry with just my pants, shirt, and his onsie. It's not energy efficient, but I just don't think I can deal with any more fluids today.

End scene.

Seriously . . . sometimes I wonder if you can ever keep a baby clean. It was so nasty today, but I couldn't help but laugh and think the events seem like it'd be something I'd watch on t.v. :-) I took a picture of my poop covered pants and I MMS'd it to my Bestie and Hubs. . .I'll spare you guys though. Ha!

I hope this made you laugh!