Surprisingly, Kristen has asked me yet again to “guest blog” about our ever growing Bean. As we are coming to an end of week 18 plus 3 (or 21 weeks plus 4 until launch day), I thought it might be fun to share a little bit of our life with you all.
As we each go through life, it is sometimes very difficult to weigh all the options and choose the right path to take. The things we choose to do truly define our lives just as much as the things we choose not to do. And every so often, we stop and look back down the path. We see how far we’ve come and how much progress we’ve made. And that confirmation helps assure us that we’ve made good choices. We’ve traveled the right direction and are on the right path. Something about it all assures us and makes us happy; makes our lives fulfilled.
Once upon a time (because that is when all good tales begin) not long ago, Kristen and I were living in a second floor apartment located in a lively neighborhood. With its sterile while walls, brown carpet the color of dirt and appliances predating me, it was home…for now. Well living with common wall neighbors and suffering through summers with nothing more than a window AC unit to keep us cool was not our American Dream. No sir.
Through trials and tribulation, we put a plan in motion to search for a house, the perfect house for us. We contacted a Realtor and began a search. We set our price and our Realtor took us from house to house to house to house; not one was the house for us. Well, one afternoon, we were looking at houses with our Realtor and she planned to take us to a house new on the market. As we drove down the street, Kristen was drawn to a “For Sale” sign in the front of another house; a cute brick house, with gabled windows and beautiful landscaping.
“I don’t think that house has shown up on our MLS searches,” Kristen said.
“We can swing back by and take a look,” our Realtor advised. So, we continued on to the scheduled house and sure enough, it wasn’t the one for us. Afterwards, we made our way back to the house with the “For Sale” sign. Our Realtor called the selling agent and found the house was empty and accessible right then. We got to go in and right away, we immediately we were in love. It was the house for us. We knew it was the one for us. The basement, the bedrooms, the fireplace; it all fit perfectly with what we wanted. It was amazing.
After touring through the house, we asked about pricing and knew it might be a bit of a stretch, but we thought we could swing it. Eventually I sat down in the middle of the living room floor until Kristen asked me, “Well, are you getting up so we can go?”
“Ummm..no. I’m staying here. Either we get this house or I am staying with whoever does get it,” I responded.
Several months later, after constant pricing negotiations and mortgage researching, our dream had come true. We had our dream house and were moving in. We had our first meal as a picnic on the floor in front of the fireplace. It was fantastic.
Well, the coolest thing about the new house was the thought that life was progressing along the right path towards a family. We had a house with three bedrooms, so we knew that eventually we knew we would try to fill at least one of the rooms with a little one. After we had several discussions we knew we were going to give it “a whirl.”
We were concerned that things may be difficult. There was history of difficulties getting pregnant in our family histories and it was concern enough to wonder if we be one of the lucky ones. Our OBGYN said the average couple takes up to 6 months. We didn’t know what to expect; we were concerned we would have problems.
We were on our second month of casual attempts when we picked up a pregnancy test. Kristen “did her thing” and she waited. Nothing happened. She went to the computer and left the test on the counter. I was reading through the directions (yes, I read the directions on a pregnancy test. Believe it or not, they are all a little different.) and found we needed to wait five minutes. So I sat and watched the stick. The control line was very blue but there was nothing else. I was patiently waiting for a second line to complete the plus sign. Nothing came.
Three minutes. Nothing.
Four minutes. Nothing.
Five minutes. I stared at the stick and almost thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when I saw 4 little blue pixels. Was it the start of a positive? Maybe it was just a faulty test. I mean, seriously, four blue pixels a positive test does not make.
Kristen asked, “What are you looking at?” (yes, Julie, she had a dangling participle at the end)
“I don’t know,” I muttered. Kristen got very wide eyed and came rushing over.
“What is it?!?!?!” She asked again.
“Do you see those four little dots?” I questioned. “Do you think that is a possible positive?”
“I don’t know,” Kristen hawed. “It’s probably a bad test.”
“I don’t know. Ya’ think?” I challenged. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe we can try another test tomorrow?” Kristen asked hopefully.
“Definitely,” I retorted.
So the day went by at a snails pace. No matter what we did or where we went, the four little, blue pixels were never far from our thoughts. Maybe….just maybe.
Finally, the next morning came. We followed the same routine. We waited the same five minutes. This time, it was different. The same four pixels filled in, but this time they had friends. Maybe it’s real this time. There really is a blue line this time. It was faint and only about ten pixels this time, but it was a line. This couldn’t be a second bad test. It was real. This was life changing.
The following days were filled with more and more tests and darker and darker lines. It was real, it was a wonderful feeling; knowing that this was the beginning of a new part of life.
This was the time that I stopped and looked back on life. This is where I want to be; right here right now. Everything has worked out better than I could possibly imagine. This journey has had its challenges, but it is a road that I am so very happy to be on right.
A couple months go past and we eventually start our visits to the doctor. Everything appears normal, but all in all, life really hadn’t changed. A other than having more than a dozen positive pregnancy tests scattered around the house, there wasn’t much indication of pregnancy, at least not yet.
It was our twelve week visit and we had our moment of truth with the doctor. It was the end of the first trimester, typically the point at which you are at the highest risk of complications. Kristen was engaged in casual banter with the doctor as she applied the jelly and began probing Kristen’s belly and immediately we heard the sound.
Lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub….
It was so strong and beating so fast (166 beats per minute to be exact). At the time all I could focus on was Kristen. She has been diagnosed with what is known as “White Coat Syndrome” which literally means doctors freak her out causing her blood pressure to spike. My only goal was to keep her cool, calm and collected. Not knowing what to expect had really get her nerves strung out, but she held it together. The little heartbeat emanating from her belly began to sooth any of our fears.
It was finally real. There are pieces of me and pieces of Kristen growing inside of her. And soon, that would become our baby; our child. We would be a family. Disney vacations, trips to the zoo, playing in the park. Halloweens and Christmas, birthday parties, first days of school. These are all experiences that I am truly excited to experience with my family.
Again, I pause and look back and know this is where I should be; where I want to be and I couldn’t be happier.
What I love most about this post, is the pregnancy test thoughts. When the line didn't instantly appear i really did just write it off thinking there was no way we were pregnant. :-) I'll never forget that moment seeing you by the window still staring at the test, and then realizing that this could possibly happen to us.
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