We Made It

I never thought I'd make it, but here I am nearly 12 months later and still breast feeding.

What a roller coaster it has been. The first five months were ROUGH. Nursing strikes, screaming until let down, herbal supplements, walking while nursing, highs, lows, ups, downs. . . .*big sigh*

It did get better though, but we still had/have rough times. Lately Bean has started to self wean a little. Oddly enough he's giving up his before bed nursing session. I think it's because he's tired and impatient and NEVER wants to wait for let down and my supply is always lowest in the evening too. I don't have the patience to use my tricks to get him to nurse until let down, so lately I've just been trying for a minute or two, and if he screams I just put him to bed. And you know what? It's kinda nice.

Now that he's eating three meals a day and drinks sippy cups of water and juice, there really isn't that pressure to get him to do it. I remember how stressed I was in those first few months being the only one that could feed him, and the only source of food. Having to get up to pump even if Hubs took a feeding because I had to keep my supply up. The lack of sleep. . .oh the lack of sleep. . . .

It's a lot of pressure. Sometimes I questioned my decision to breast feed. Was I ruining his newborn/early months by stressing myself out over this? I'm supposed to be enjoying this because it goes by so quickly. Obviously I never quite got to that point where it was too much, but I'm telling you I teetered on the edge more than a few times.

When I first started breast feeding I couldn't wait until weaning, then things got better and I started having mixed feelings. Maybe I would breast feed longer then 12 months? I never thought that was for me, but I find myself holding onto it for some reason. I think it's because Bean is such an on the go kid, so those sweet moments where we cuddle and he nurses (when it goes well) are so important to me. Also? Change is hard for me. I'm a gal that likes my routine, which is hard to accept (in general) as a parent because things are constantly changing as your child grows. On the flip side I am SO looking forward to not having to pump any more before bed and at work, and I'm crossing my fingers that maybe my boobs will shrink a little because they are way too big for my liking. NONE of my old tops fit. It's really annoying.

Anyway, I'm not quite sure yet how the next month will play out, but I'm definitely proud of myself for making it this far! It was quite a tough journey. I'm going to try and not be sad about weaning and focus on getting excited that after almost two years to finally have my body back to myself!